There are times when being the grown up and adulting all over the place is just too much pressure and responsibility to bear. I love my daughters and wouldn’t be without them, even when they drive me bonkers leaving me banging my head against the wall wailing. How on earth are we parents meant to know what is the best way forward when negotiating stormy waters, tricky emotions and facing the prickly interference from outside parties?
I love totally and unconditionally but am too honest and horribly tactless when it comes to these dicey personal or emotional situations, more often than not it all blows up and I’m left with egg on my face, their broken shells strewn all around, with emotional outburst landmines and accusations lying hidden below read to blow up on me if I take the wrong step.
My only hope is that following my gut is the right way forward. I am resigned to being the evil doer who bursts their bubble when from the outside in you can see things are not right. I interfere because I feel as their parent to ignore situations with my offspring would be neglect of duty. However it’s so hard to then, once my piece has been said, butting out leaving them to learn for themselves. The I’m not going to enable you in this situation means having to step back and not help out when above all else you are itching to do just that. My immediate response is to run around and do all I can to make life easy and iron out all the wrinkles.
Now my daughters are young women, old enough to live on their own the path is harder, trickier to negotiate. They don’t have to do as I say because they are legitimately adults in their own right. Looking back I now understand the heartache I put my own parents through at this age. Guiding is one thing, interfering another. How do you do the one without it being perceived as the other?
I have no answers, I’m just brain farting all over this blog, trying to sort things out in my own mind. I always offer pro’s and con’s and hope that they can then work the right way forward from that. But it’s just so damn hard, I sit on my hands, chewing off the inside of my lip and hope against hope that each time I have done the right thing.
There should be a parenting Guru for times like these, to be all wise and knowing, gently guide me in the right direction and wave a magic wand to make sure no major ruckus will ensue.
So I suppose I have to suck it up, keep questioning myself about what or how I say something is perceived by the person on the other side. Hope I get it right more often than wrong, pick up the pieces when I do get it wrong and be big enough to apologise. So, I suppose I shall keep adulting the best I can and focus on the following words…
To my daughters, I love you so very much and I apologise for the times I get it wrong. I truly try to hold back but then it just sort of gushes over like a broken dam, but I strive each and every day to get it right, I’m not perfect but honestly do all I can, I can only do my best so please bear with me and know all I do comes from the right place even when comes out wrong xx
To all you other parents struggling with adulting, I feel you, I understand, perhaps every now and then we should break off and release our inner child until we feel strong enough to adult once more. I’m going to leave you now and go chalk on the pavement …