Sobriety

It has become apparent over the past few months that I am becoming more reliant on alcohol than I would like. What used to be the odd drink has become more of a need, a crutch to see me through, a way to lose myself and become numb for a short period. This concerns me, I am not yet an alcoholic but can see how easy it would be to slip into that addiction and want to quit the beast before it claims control over me. I used to be a whisky drinker, then vodka until landed on wine, any colour be it red, white or rose, doesn’t bother me. However, when I drink more than a bottle, sometimes nearer two and don’t get a hangover alarm bells began to ring.


I feel I have a growing need, bordering on addiction, a small slip then would be into alcoholism which needs addressing and the only way forward would seem to be sobriety.


Having health conditions out of my control is frustrating and alcohol numbed the sharp edges. Yet I realise this is causing more harm than good, with grumbling kidneys and several chronic illnesses the drinking must be causing harm as yet unseen. SO, I have decided that I cannot be trusted to limit my intake, one leads to another and then sod it my mind tells me to just go for a few more which is NOT coming from a healthy mindset.

I have the full official diagnosis from ME Clinic and Rheumatologist, confirmed by GP of having the following chronic illnesses; Diverticulitis, Depression, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), Hypermobility Ehlers~Danlos Syndrome (HEDS), Fibromyalgia (FMS) and unhappy kidneys with early stage chronic kidney disease (currently not actively treated just observing). This is why I befriended wine, it was a wonderful numbing elixir which embraced me in its arms for a short while.

Realising, not only through the mountain of accumulated bottles but through the concerned and worried faces of my daughters, that this was becoming dangerous. “Need” can become addiction, which I could see could so easily spiral out of control. If I am to be a role model for my daughters then I need to address my weaknesses and regain control.

The only way I can fathom to master my desire for alcohol, namely wine, is to wave goodbye to it and turn towards sobriety. Which is exactly what I have decided to do.

I am hoping, with every fibre of my being, that I can do this and not weaken and fall. I have found a fabulous app called Nomo ~ free from the App Store, I have it on my phone and also downloading it onto my iPad, to help keep me on my path and not falter. I am setting myself the 365 day sober challenge as a starting point and going to take it literally one day at a time.

My journey starts today, Friday 16th June, I will periodically update and share my journey sans alcohol with you. I have stocked up on some aspartame free low cal tonic water and will keep it refrigerated to have chilled in a wine glass as a substitute for the first few weeks and will see where I go from there.

I will have to find alternative ways to cope now and hope that the forthcoming months will find me in a happier healthier place both mentally and physically.

If any of my readers have found themselves in this predicament and gone sober I would appreciate and welcome any tips or advice you can offer. What coping techniques were useful and any alcohol free beverage recipes you love.


x~X~x

9 thoughts on “Sobriety

  1. I admire your decision. I started having problems with drinking back in 2003, when my mother got meningitis and it led to her decline and eventual death in 2005. There was a point where I was drinking more than a bottle of wine a night, sometimes two, and other things available, such as whiskey or rum. A couple of years ago I started to drink less. I brought it down to less than a bottle a night. Since last year, I stopped drinking wine and switched to beer. It has less alcohol. At most, I drink 3 bottles of 25cl. I have also stopped hitting the whiskey and other hard alcohol.

    I’ve noticed that I drink only when I’m home in the evening. If, for any reason I’m not home, I don’t drink. I try to vary my habits in the evening, but I can’t always stay away from drinking. Though, on the nights I have to go pick up my daughter in town, I don’t drink any beer until we come back home and I know I’m not driving again that night. Those nights I tend to feel some frustration, but I make myself wait, more than anything, just in case a control has been set up by the traffic police.

    It’s not just the buzz that draws me to it, it’s also the taste. That’s the problem. I like how wine and other spirits taste. If it tasted the same without the alcohol, I would keep drinking it with no guilt. If what attracts me were only the buzz, I could try to ignore that buzz. But when it’s mixed with an appetizing taste, it’s too strong.

    Could I leave it altogether? Possibly. I sometimes feel guilty I haven’t left it completely, especially since my father and grandfather were alcoholics. But other times, I feel good I have cut down my total intake. Next step, beer with 0% alcohol. Hopefully, it’ll taste as good as the alcoholic one, and help me finally get rid of this albatross.

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    1. Maria you have managed to do what I can’t in reducing and policing your own intake, I go overboard and am itching for “wine O’clock” so had to decide to cut off from it altogether & tonight am gurgling from tonic water – I like the bitter tangy taste which is completely different (intentionally) to wine. I drank for the numbness and instead need to face reality. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me and I am so sorry that you have had to go through the heartache you have but am immensely inspired by your strength and coping techniques. Like you I love the taste and warmth the alcohol provides & think your progress coming down the ladder from hard spirits to beer is fantastic. Hoping you find a great tasting 0% alcohol beer to finally free you too, much love & strength to you x💜

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  2. It’s insidious, isn’t it? I like a drink too, but I am incredibly lucky that it doesn’t like me after two glasses and often even after one, so I usually only have a drink at weekends and then sometimes not at all. But when I was a student, I saw myself descending that slippery slope – drinking with friends to excess – and then I realised I was becoming dependent. Well that was it; I stopped it completely. You seem my mother was an alcoholic; that was a very salutary lesson for me and I was determined not to go that route, but I nearly did. I don’t know why it makes me sick so easily now, but in a way, I’m glad! Good luck with your challenge, Tonia. After a couple of weeks, it should be much easier! I’ll be thinking of you!

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    1. Thank you so much, it is hard, I’m craving it but am determined to stick with this. I have an addictive nature and so have to find a safer alternative and am currently drinking a lot of low cal tonic water with ice and slice which helps take the edge off somehow. My husband is like you, can only have the odd one and then can’t have anymore and wonders if, for him, it is because of his heart medications. I was worrying everyone and the next step would’ve been daytime drinking which was on my mind everyday ~ so happy to have realised before it was too late but know once I get through a month or two it will be easier. Much love to you xxx

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      1. I kept finding myself thinking exactly that! “At least I’m not drinking during the day. Even though a little sip would totally take the edge off it’s not like I’m going to *have* one…” It really scared me. Good luck with your challenge! There are some amazing blogging resources, as I’m sure you’ve already found. One of the first sober blogs I read is “Mrs D is Going Without” (www.livingwithoutalcohol.blogspot.com) Her writing is lovely and very relatable! xxx

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