This morning I woke after a night spent tossing and turning in extreme discomfort. If pain were a person then he is walking inside my body wearing hobnailed boots and stomping on every joint, every bone, making them feel tender to move or touch. Then to turn it up a notch it feels as if fire ants have been released into my veins, making my skin feel as if it’s been scalded.
I wonder to myself whether my previous blog about progress tempted fate. I am now in what is known as a “crash” or “relapse”. My body is making it difficult for me to do anything at all ~ I try to distract myself from the signals firing off from my pain receptors. Tapping my hand to try and distract my brain and ignore the pain signals helps a little but then I tire, stop and it hits me again. The waves ebbing and flowing, crashing down on me in varying levels of violence.
I am downstairs, not in bed because I can keep an eye on the dogs and I feel less of an invalid being here. I have access to a downstairs loo, the kettle, the garden and the internet ~ the sofa and footstool are pretty comfy and my slanket is cosy and warm.
I am writing this blog in dribs and drabs from the comfort of my sofa ~ having the option to dictate is a huge help but I have to manually correct the typo’s ~ it would appear I need to learn to enunciate more clearly.
I’m resting, taking the tablets, applying heat (which is soothing for me as opposed to cold), applying topical pain relieving gels, anything I can get my hands on to ease the pain, whilst looking for distractions for my mind.
I have no idea which illness has triggered this response, I am thinking most likely the fibromyalgia, but could also be a combination of all three, ME, Fibro and HEDS. So I am burying myself away for a few days, hibernating until the pain abates. Everything is on hold ~ no photography for a second week in a row, it’s fair to say I’m feeling a little ticked off.
My mood is up and down, it’s hard to stay focused and positive when you are not able to control your own body, that it lets you down without any warning. I am feeling angry, sad and frustrated at life, I’m seriously pissed off and have so many whys that I know cannot be answered. I suppose it’s just life, I am lucky things aren’t worse but sad that they are what they are.
My black dog is waiting to be released, he knows I am weak and is ready to take advantage ~ I am trying my best to control him. To remember the lessons given to my by my therapist and not to allow him to regain control.
It’s hard! He’s howling for release, ready to jump at any given moment.My weapon of choice is laughter ~ I am fortunate that my family follow the same path, when times get tough, we go a little insane and let the laughter out, it may be a little scary and manic but it provides a release.
So talking about laughter I share with you my “what the fuck?” moment from this morning.
I came downstairs for a warm drink, tablets and to relocate from my bed. Looking across at my dining room table from my vantage point by the boiling kettle I notice something decidedly odd about my plant.
To fill you in this plant was a birthday gift from my dad which I received in May. It came in a pot and only had one shoot ~ it was a cutting he had given me from a plant he had at home. What it is we have no idea, the general consensus is that is its some kind of lily.
I was told by dad that it was a patio plant and to keep it outside ~ one day outside and it was decidedly worse for wear so I decided to bring it inside. From it’s position from the dining room table it has plenty of indirect light and is protected from the battering wind.
Since being on my table it has grown and we now have 3 leaves. It would appear that overnight something strange has also happened..
Now, how on earth? The mushroom next to the stalk of my plant is actually coming from the stalk!
ALSO, to top it off hundreds of tiny weeny flies are coming out of the soil, which looks alive with them and running around over the table! Thankfully my hubby is ex~pest control and had some bug spray to curb the wee flies from expanding their ranks whilst also not being toxic to my lily ~ or is it Alien Plant?
If you are of the green fingered variety I would love to know what this plant is and also how on earth it birthed mushrooms and teenyweeny flies!
Writing this blog has helped pass the morning for me, now it’s time for a nap ~ and hopefully some respite from the pain and discomfort.
Hope your are having a good day, if you are sending you a crisp high five ~ if not sending love and sympathy.