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I think I’m going slightly mad!

Posted in Personal Blog

“I’m Going Slightly Mad” by Queen

When the outside temperature rises
And the meaning is oh so clear
One thousand and one yellow daffodils
Begin to dance in front of you – oh dear
Are they trying to tell you something?
You’re missing that one final screw
You’re simply not in the pink my dear
To be honest you haven’t got a clue
I’m going slightly mad
I’m going slightly mad
It finally happened – happened
It finally happened – ooh oh
It finally happened – I’m slightly mad
Oh dear!
I’m one card short of a full deck
I’m not quite the shilling
One wave short of a shipwreck
I’m not at my usual top billing
I’m coming down with a fever
I’m really out to sea
This kettle is boiling over
I think I’m a banana tree
Oh dear, I’m going slightly mad
I’m going slightly mad
It finally happened, happened
It finally happened uh huh
It finally happened I’m slightly mad – oh dear!
I’m knitting with only one needle
Unravelling fast its true
I’m driving only three wheels these days
But my dear how about you?
I’m going slightly mad
I’m going slightly mad
It finally happened
It finally happened oh yes
It finally happened
I’m slightly mad!
Just very slightly mad!
And there you have it!

Over the past few weeks I feel as if my mind is unravelling, very slowly and steadily.

First my word finding goes bananas, struggling to mentally grasp the word I mean to use and often substituting it for something else.

Then I use the words out of context or the wrong word ~ as in not the one I intended to use ~ making my sentences either a little random or nonsensical. These slip ups are fondly known as my “Tanyaisms” by my family.

Then I struggle to comprehend what is being said ~ words fly all around me but only a few make it to my befuddled brain and often the meaning is lost or not fully understood.

Also my memory is shot to pieces.  This frustrates not only me but my family too. They talk to me, make plans with me, let me know their plans and guess what ~ I forget! I repeatedly ask them what they are doing and they repeatedly tell me they have already let me know several times over. I try whenever I can to write it into my diary straight away ~ but often forget to do this too.

Then, and this one really bothers me, I misplace my stuff ~ recently I was in a services with Dave having a light bite on our way home. I had my handbag with me, on the chair beside me. I got up to put my tray away and walked out of the café ~ without realising I had left my bag behind. We reached the car and I suddenly realised with a sick feeling that my bag was sitting all alone at the table in a busy services. Dave, being my knight in shining armour and knowing I am incapable nowadays of moving briskly, or with any speed at all really, hot tailed it back to the café AND thankfully my little purple handbag was waiting very patiently to be returned to me ~ which was exceedingly lucky!

Many times I try to get out of the car with the seatbelt still on, leave keys in ignition and then, after feeling my pockets and bag for them, realise where they are! My glasses are often “lost” but really on my head, I leave keys in the front door after unlocking it and then panic when I can’t locate them ~ I could go on!

I wonder what is causing this brain meltdown, it’s like it is rebelling against me, which is just not on quite frankly.

Quite simply “I’m one card short of a full deck, I’m not quite the shilling. One wave short of a shipwreck. I’m not at my usual top billing. I’m coming down with a fever. I’m really out to sea. This kettle is boiling over, I think I’m a banana tree. Oh dear, I’m going slightly mad.”

Perhaps my brain melting is linked to my physical health? Currently my GP is concerned that I have been misdiagnosed with Fibromyalgia when in fact she feels, very strongly, that I have Lupus. I have recurring vasculitis which is only held off by constant prednisolone consumption ~ so I have these wee babies to keep my rash at bay whilst an urgent referral to see the rheumatologist (again) is put through. She has requested the same consultant I saw last time, who diagnosed the fibro, because she feels it will be better continuity of care. Apparently the letter to her from him (which I haven’t seen) raises some queries ~ which mean he suspected more may have been going on but no evidence to support that. Now though, my GP feels my recent symptoms and rash qualify me as Lupus not Fibro ~ so we will see.

Question though ~ does Lupus cause this kind of brain meltdown?

I wonder if there is anything I can do to pull my poor ailing brain back into line ~ to function a little more effectively? Answers on a postcard please.

So, if you see me and speak to me, don’t worry if I am vague, a little random or trail of completely ~ it’s not my fault, it’s my brain.

Hoping y’all have brains who are behaving and if not, come on over and join me ~ we can be incoherent together.

If I don’t laugh about it I’ll only cry ~ so try to look at the funny side of things.




One Comment

  1. So I hesitated to post this because I know firsthand how irritating it is when other people jump in with suggestions and diagnoses, but I have to point out that this all sounds very characteristic of tick-borne illnesses, especially Lyme disease. I have become weirdly forgetful as my Lyme has progressed, and my cousin developed full-blown, debilitating dementia. I hate to be one of those ” It’s always Lyme disease” conspiracy theorists, but…it so often is. Even if you’ve tested negative in the past doesn’t mean you don’t have it as it often takes multiple rounds of testing to find it.

    Again, apologies for jumping in with my two cents’ worth here. I hope you get it sorted quickly!

    18th February 2018

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