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Posted in Personal Blog, and Photography Blog

noun: levity; plural noun: levities
The treatment of a serious matter with humour or lack of due respect.
“as an attempt to introduce a note of levity, the words were a disastrous flop”
Synonyms: light-heartedness, carefreeness, light-mindedness, high spirits, vivacity, liveliness, conviviality, cheerfulness, cheeriness, humour, gaiety, fun, jocularity, hilarity, frivolity, frivolousness, amusement, mirth, laughter, merriment, glee, comedy, funniness, wit, wittiness, jollity, joviality, joking, drollery, good cheer, sportiveness, nonsense, irreverence, facetiousness, flippancy, blitheness, triviality, silliness, foolishness, childishness, giddiness, skittishness
“he did much to inject a note of levity into a very hard-working production cycle”
Antonyms: seriousness, gravity
Origin: Mid 16th century: from Latin levitas, from levis ‘light’.

I took a photo or several of a spider with a poor beetle that had found its way into the web ~ watching the spider approach and wrap up the beetle made me think to myself, at least that’s not me in that web!

Yesterday I wrote a blog called “Party For One” it was a honest cry from the heart, something I feel we should all do every now and then to prevent bottling up our emotions, allowing them to fester and become toxic.The relief I felt after publishing my blog was immense ~ I had lanced the boil, shared unashamedly with you how I felt and was able to then step back and take a good long look at my situation and came to the following conclusions.

It’s okay to cry ~ to be unhappy.

Who among us can say that they don’t cry, that they are so strong that crying isn’t an option? Sometimes a damn good sob, the nose streaming, gut churning, heart wrenching full body crying, is just what you need. It cleanses me somehow and makes me feel ~ once the facial swelling, nose streaming and blotchy skin subsides, healthier emotionally, stronger. I don’t believe in turning on the taps at every little thing though ~ that’s unless the depression decides to kick you behind the knees ~ when that happens then you have no control, the tears come unbidden at all times of the day and night ~ sometimes without warning or reason. Life at this point can just seem too overwhelming, this is when I usually accept help.

It’s okay to talk about it ~ don’t hold back but share your emotions with those you are close to and trust.

Often I find myself holding back and not sharing, mostly because I don’t want to burden those around me and who love me. Thing is ~ I have found that they usually wonder what’s wrong and automatically assume that they have done something to upset me. So now I share, not overly but enough to say that I’m not feeling great emotionally, sorry if I am crabby, it will pass but it has nothing to do with them. That way I have space to work through my emotions, my family know it’s nothing personal against them if I appear distant or a little “off” plus I know they are their should I want to talk it over with them.

You can swap between moods ~ it’s allowed and that’s totally normal, who can say they are always happy, always positive, always a good example?

As a rule I like to think of myself as being a positive person, one with a good general outlook on life. Having said that there are also times when I loathe myself and everything and one around me. Yet other times angry, frustrated, concerned, anxious, happy, silly ~ you catch my drift? There are times when I can laugh and cry at the same time, confused as to why but then I generally go with it until it passes. Positive people can have their moments of being negative ~ nobody is perfect.

So, after my complete meltdown yesterday I slept on it, I refuse to delete blog posts because I published them for a reason and I may feel embarrassment fleetingly about being “me, me me, oh woe is me” but real feelings shared, no matter how much it makes me cringe that I did it, were and are valid. I can’t advocate sharing and talking about mental health issues just to then delete posts that I share myself.

Today I still feel crappy about myself ~ everything posted yesterday is the same with one exception ~ today I am choosing to try and find levity in life, things that make me feel happy.

I am writing the blog in my pyjamas with the dogs on my legs, the patio door is open so I can smell the fresh air and hear the birds singing ~ which they are doing, very loudly and it sounds beautiful. I have a mug of coffee to my right and the lounge is quiet, no television or radio on, just absolute peace aside from the bird song. Soon I shall go upstairs to do my physiotherapy exercises and if I can I will have a tepid shower. The shower option will depend on how tired I am ~ I may do it in stages.

I love sitting in absolute silence with just the sounds of nature and the odd noise from neighbouring gardens. Insects are starting to appear and the spiders are showing themselves to me. The grass has grown phenomenally over the past couple of days and will need a cut soon. Plants are budding and life is returning for me to enjoy and observe.

One pastime that helps me through dark times is taking photos of all things that cross my lens. Yesterday afternoon I made myself pick up my camera and wonder around the garden. Whilst still limited with material to capture I did find a few critters to snap. It helped being out in the fresh air, yet it was difficult as movement is painful, from my head to toes it seems. Withdrawal from medication is not pleasant, however, once I am prescription drug free I will be seeking all natural remedies with the aim of avoiding chemicals in my body.

Humour is a family coping mechanism ~ we laugh an awful lot, it helps to laugh together because laughing alone can look a little odd and may give raise to questions about my sanity. Today finds me calmer internally, not so much as a washing machine on spin cycle sensation in my gut more a constant rumble of a tumble dryer. The churning I am sure will ease over time as will my mood and withdrawal symptoms.

Life with a chronic illness is tough, life with a chronic invisible illness is also tough ~ many people judge you as a attention seeker or fibber because they can’t “see” what ails you. My conditions are genuine and invisible ~ trying to raise awareness about them is difficult, folk only want to see what they believe. Too many people don’t believe in the existence of my conditions, that’s a tough one to deal with.

So ~ if I raise my head above the parapet and you see me venture further than my home, please be kind and don’t ask questions. Just smile and keep any interaction brief because talking and conversation is tiring, it brings on the brain fog and takes an awful lot of concentration to appear coherent and make small talk.

To my fabulous friends and family ~ bear with, I am working towards a reboot and am currently closing down programmes and getting ready to restart ~ it’s a process that may take a while and I may need a few malware scans just to be safe!

Today I choose to smile, it may not reach my eyes yet ~ but it will.

For now I take my life moment by moment, one step at a time, one emotion at a time ~ addressing only what presents itself to me in the here and now.

I will leave you with a lighter note ~ my photos from the garden yesterday along with some of flowers I bought for myself ~ just because.

Please remember, if you have any issues with your mental health then please, please share them with someone. You are most definitely not alone and with support you can get through even the darkest times.