Middle age, the period of age beyond young adulthood but before old age ~ usually accepted as being anywhere between the ages of 40~65 (depending on which definition you choose).
So, being 47 I am into my “middle age” years and what have they brought me so far? I am totally with Helen Mirren in the picture above, thankfully the older I become the more comfortable I am within my own skin and care less about others perceptions of me. Here are a few of my observations, just wondering what the rest of my middle aged years will bring …
Realising I am unable to watch a full length movie at the cinema or go on a long journey without knowing where the nearest toilet is at any time. I reckon I now need more pit stops than a potty training toddler! This leads on to number 2..
Requiring the aid of Tena Lady for those “oops” moments ~ you know the ones where you laugh a little too hard or cough or sneeze without first clenching those buttocks. No longer am I able to trampoline or skip without the “adult nappy” thanks to 3 pregnancies and loss of “tone”.
Realising my eyesight is getting progressively worse as I squint at labels or notices on information boards. I now have my phone settings on the largest bold type possible and try and remember to have my glasses with me at all times. This is often scuppered by regularly misplacing as I have a habit of wearing them on my head, then takin them off and putting them down somewhere. I have 3 pairs of glasses and more often than not can never find a pair when I need them.
Memory loss, walking into a room and forgetting why I am there. Taking a message and not having any paper to jot it down then remembering to tell the person intended to receive it that they had a message but you can’t remember who from or what it was about. Putting food on to cook, forgetting to set a timer then sitting down to do something else whilst the food slowly simmers then burns ~ only reminding me of it’s existence when the fire alarm starts ringing and the smell of burning and smoke fills the air.
Talking to myself ~ somehow it helps to talk myself through what I am doing, not sure why but it does. Leads to some very strange looks when out in public.
Realising that my driving skills aren’t as hot as they once were ~ especially at night when the lights all seem to be heading towards my car intent on crashing into me and not being able to see where the road turns without having my head on the windscreen peering intently with lights on full beam ~ this leads me to drive uber slow to the consternation of all fellow road users. This lead me to realise that perhaps I should only allow myself behind the wheel during daylight hours.
Not understanding the language of the “youth” of today ~ my daughters and their friends use words that make no sense to me whatsoever and when I try to nonchalantly incorporate them into my conversation find myself the butt of their humour because I’ve got it all wrong.
Finding out that hot flushes in public can be horribly embarrassing as I shed layer after layer of clothing, muttering and fanning myself whilst running with rivers of sweat, hair plastered down flat to my scalp ~ attractive it is not and possibly scary to fellow pedestrians.
Losing my hearing very slowly, having to have the TV volume turned up just so I can hear what’s going on. Also resulting in shouting when speaking because I can’t hear how loud I am talking and/or not catching what’s being said to me so nonchalantly smiling and nodding and hoping it’s an appropriate response!
Stupidly excited about finding my first few white/grey hairs and being thrilled BUT also miffed that they are still too sparse to be noticed by others. I would love a head of silver/white hair and can’t wait for them to start taking over.
Finding hair on my nipples and nostril hair getting longer but losing it from other areas area!
Finding myself enjoying “Pointless” and other quiz shows AND also enjoying antiques roadshow and bargain hunt ~ I never thought that would happen to me!
Talking to random strangers about nothing in particular just because they happen to be in the same queue and I hate being stifled by silence.
Swapping my old vintage car and modern geared car for a new modern automatic because it has all the mod cons, starts immediately, is warm (as in doesn’t need de-icing inside and out), changes gear for me and has blue tooth connection ~ which are all priorities now.
Looking to sell the house to purchase a bungalow as our retirement home because it means less going up and down stairs for my poor old joints but also because it will be much less work for me to maintain.
Enjoying Radio Two, much to the girls consternation and tuning in for the Golden Oldies and Jeremy Vine show instead of Radio One and the charts. OMG ~ I am definitely getting old!
Having radically different views about almost everything to those of my children ~ raises interesting debates though and some compromises and views altered on both sides.
Talking about the bleeding weather and checking what the forecast is for not just the next day but the next few days after that too ~ kill me now!
Buying clothes and shoes for comfort instead of fashion. Living in leggings, boots, trainers, hoodies and man jumpers ~ and not caring what others think. Give me comfort over fashion any time.
I find myself longer wanting to go out for a night on the town, preferring instead to a nice quiet dinner in a familiar restaurant/pub and home early for a quiet drink and film whilst lounging under a slanket, before the fire, on the sofa. Increasingly aware of how antisocial I’m becoming.
Being either too hot or too cold all the time. My thermostat is officially broken right now, hoping that when fully on the other side of the menopause this will fix itself ~ but then could also be a ME thing.
Worrying about my cholesterol level since hitting the 40, so just to be on the safe side drinking plenty of red wine, for medicinal reasons of course!
Gaining weight, especially around the middle and finding it extremely hard to shed when once I could lose weight without thinking about it.
Looking for and checking my moles as this is the age that they could turn nasty after spending my younger years using brylcreem instead of suncream because it smelt nice and moisturised my skin. It’s caught of few folks I know out and thankfully they have been able to have them treated in time.
I have written my will and detailed how I want my funeral to go down. A big party, no black clothes, happy music, and a tree planting ceremony over my ashes in a bio~gradable container without any plaque or way to identify where I am. Having someone dressed as the Grim Reaper would tickle my warped sense of humour too.
When I get up my body sounds like percussion playing as my joints crack and pop as they move.
I look in the mirror and see my mother, which is empowering as she was a strong, no fucks given kind of a woman who grabbed life by the balls and enjoyed every moment of the party.
I have no clue who any of the bands are in the charts and instead resort to Spotify (get me!) and listening to the tunes of my youth.
Not understanding how to use “Snap Chat” or other apps on my phone.
Preferring to internet shop rather than have to get dressed, drive and go into town AMONGST PEOPLE and trawl up and down through the shops, carrying bags and bumping into people! Instead, sit on ipad, glass of wine in hand and surf and shop to my hearts content.
Having the blinkers fall away and realising that some of my old friends were never really true friends as I find them out to be the snakes they really are ~ and surprising myself by feeling relief when they are finally out of my life. With age comes wisdom (on occasion) which is a pleasant surprise.
For those haters who are intent on hating, jog on ~ we have no time for you here, life is for embracing, for living and not wasting on people trying to make me miserable or hold me back. Now I am more capable of seeing who is toxic and who is not ~ to the lovely folk in my life who are fabulous, fun and all embracing, who have had nothing but support and love for me over issues which brought me down recently ~ I thank you.
Approaching 50 with excitement, bring it!