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Posted in Personal Blog

Cutting the apron strings is so bloody hard!

Up until now I have been exceptionally fortunate to have my daughters close to me.

University ~ piece of cake ~ eldest ensconced in flat 15 minutes drive away, as studying at local university.

I love and adore my offspring ~ despite adversity we have come through triumphant as a family, a unit, a force to be reckoned with.

We have each other’s backs, we are fiercely protective of each other and are rarely very far apart.

So for eldest offspring to travel from Heathrow to New York then New York to Kingston alone was excruciatingly terrifying for me. I’m a mother who is tightly wound into the fabric of my off springs lives. We don’t separate, we unite, we are close.

This is the first major challenge for us both ~ we as a family unit miss Keisha horribly ~ we are having to reluctantly accept that little by little we need to cut the apron strings that bind us to allow her to fly solo and find herself as a unique independent strong woman.

She is working with Projects Abroad and helping with disaster management. Whilst she works there she will also be collecting data, running focus groups and interviewing key people within the area she is working. Why? She is using the information to write her dissitation on disaster management this coming year at University.

As a mother, a control freak and emotional wreck I accepted that this day would come. I acknowledge that our daughter has the tools to rise to the challenge and that I must do the same in order to support and respect her choices.

I am immensely proud of her, she is following her gut, her dream, her future.

She wants to spend her life making the lives of others better ~ how can I NOT support that.

So with trepidation, love, support, awe and respect I wave goodbye, trembling chin controlled until she is out of sight and the tears can freely roll.

I sob as the conflicting emotions roll through me, pride, love, fear all jostling for prime position.

As we drive away from the airport the tears still fall, but tears of love, support, admiration and hope.

Hope that this trip will be a keystone towards a future career.

A rung on the ladder to enlightenment.

A journey of empowerment ~ nothing is impossible except our own imagination.

I will miss her keenly for the forthcoming 6 weeks BUT I look forward to hearing about the adventure, discoveries and life experiences she goes through whilst away.

Love is knowing when to let go, when to gently snip the apron strings one by one until our offspring are stepping out in life on their own.

A life yet to be lived, unknown, full of promise.

I support that wholeheartedly and quiet my nervous heart with the words of encouragement ~ we prepared her well. She will be okay. Rejoice in this moment of adventure, discovery and opportunity.

I do, I will and the tears I will quell.

I go to bed knowing my baby is travelling whilst I sleep.  Early this morning I wake and immediately check my phone.

One message, it’s from my first born ~ she’s in JFK airport, her flight to Jamaica has been cancelled and so she is trapped in the connections lounge waiting for news of boarding for the next flight in 7 hours. She dare not sleep for fear of missing any flight information. All the shops are shuttered and closed, it’s 2am there now.

The phone buzzes, it’s my baby. She’s okay, horribly tired and in a ghost terminal with no other passengers and only security guards for company. Security keep asking her why she’s there. She’s close to the only screen which only shows information of one flight ~ hers, screaming CANCELLED across the screen. She says she needs to hang up to conserve her phone battery. She will text when flight information shows her new flight details, then again once she has boarded.

My stomach is in knots, I can’t do anything to help her. I wish I was there to watch over her and allow her to sleep. I can’t but in my heart of hearts I know she will be okay.

She’s strong, intelligent, determined and brave.

Keisha, you go do you gal ~ just know we are all behind you 100%.


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