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Stubborn & Impatient ~ Vice or Virtue?

Posted in Personal Blog

Do you follow the star signs and relate to any of the traits spouted as being typical of a person under that sign?

I’m a Taurean and yes I am bullishly stubborn and impatient, I am not however possessive, which allegedly is a strong trait. I suppose I am 75% typical of a Taurean personality and I wonder, are the traits of stubbornness and impatience considered as being a vice or a virtue?

I am exceptionally frustrated by my limitations and question how best to move forward. I want to be part of the masses who can step outside their homes on a daily basis and enjoy the freedom that brings.

Before I talk about my little experiment I better explain why I find it difficult to get out and about.

I was seen a few months back by a wonderful, very thorough rheumatologist and assessed, or should I say reassessed. She went thoroughly through my entire medical history and past diagnoses given by various medical professionals. The review was to check if I still had the conditions that were previously given or if I had been wrongly diagnosed, in which case to have a diagnosis for whatever ails me.

I won’t explain every condition in this blog but I will add a link to explain further what they are, should you be interested. Just click on the diagnosis name and it will take you to another window with further information.

After a very thorough 2 hour appointment including verbal and physical assessments it was concluded that I do have..

Myalgic Encephalomyelitis ~ so that was a correct past diagnosis.
Fibromyalgia ~ which although very similar was not a diagnosis replacing the ME but along side it.
Bilateral Trochanteric Bursitis
Bilateral Anterior Achilles tendon bursitis
Diverticulitis ~ once you have the pouches you can’t not have them, so you have to manage it to prevent further infections.
Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD) stage 3  ~ cause unknown, just annually monitored unless I become symptomatic.
Long Term Depression since late teens ~ not gone but managed with medication.

SO, now to my little experiment.

I have been told to wait until I have been through a year of physiotherapy treatment.  The programme prescribed is to start with fixing the bursitis of hips and ankles ~ then moving on to hydrotherapy. Finally when strong enough physiotherapy out of the water and to continue until I reached the best I can be. The final chapter of treatment would be for my physiotherapist to teach me the Pilates exercises that are safe for me to do and which I must then keep up daily thereafter to prevent the weakness returning.

However, I was feeling increasingly impatient and frustrated ~ sick and tired of using the walking aids, recommended for walking to ease pressure running through hips and ankles, bugger that I thought ~ I want to see how far I could go and for how long.

I desperately miss walking my dogs, being outside enjoying the sights, sounds and smells of nature. My cunning plan was to see if I could push through the pain and improve my health by adding dog walking to my daily routine.

I didn’t use my aids on this I had no option because juggling two leads means two hands needed to be free and not holding onto the smart crutches I have.

My route was to the meadows just a minutes walk from my front door. I would allow the dogs to run on the extendable leads whilst I took the shortest distance possible.

The experiment spanned barely over a week before I became someone buggered physically.  After my first walk I downloaded an app called “Map My Walk” to see how far I had manage to go. As I didn’t have it on my first day I recreated the exact path I walked on that day, so that I had the correct data for both days..

walk history
So, day 1 was Tuesday 13th November, in days that followed I had to miss Monday 19th and then Thursday 22nd followed by today Friday 23rd.

Buggrit!

When I reached Monday the 19th I was just physically unable to do anything. Then on the Tuesday 20th I had to really force myself to get up and go out with the dogs, when I returned I literally collapsed into a heap and did nothing more all day.

The last walk was Wednesday 21st and I very nearly just sat down and cried whilst I was out.  Every step felt like fire through my ankles and  hips, stabbing daggers along my muscles. I worried I would drop the leads as they felt heavy in my hands and difficult to grip and hold. I doggedly kept going and by the time I arrived home my entire body felt as if it didn’t belong to me, it was numb yet firing off flares of pain all over, literally from head to toe.

Since then I have been struggling, date night was cancelled ~ I tried to dress to go out but my hips were so sore that just lifting my foot up to put on trousers or socks was unbearable and so Dave helped me undress and put on my pj’s.

My girls gifted me a purple pyjama set with socks and sleep mask which I am wearing today ~ Dave took a picture of me in them which I will post below. I came unsteadily downstairs and won’t be venturing from the safety of my sofa and footstool except to visit the toilet. I can only get upstairs if I bear crawl ~ but that’s been the case for months now, stairs are the biggest obstacle for me regarding flaring up the hip and ankle pain. Going up stairs is far harder than coming down, but after falling down the stairs a couple of weeks ago I am wary of them.

I have my first appointment with the rheumatology physiotherapy department on the 28th of this month, this is just for the initial ultrasound therapy of my hips and ankles ~ stage one of the long drawn out physio journey.

I have learnt my lesson ~ being stubborn and impatient has most likely made my ankle and hip issues much worse, so instead of getting ahead I’ve put myself behind. I am reluctant to accept defeat and will now have to do as I am told by those who are taking on my physio treatments, that is something the inner bull is furious about.

If you have both ME & FM do you have issues trying to balance your conditions ~ do you also have hip and ankle issues? I have so many questions which have no answers, why do I have my CKD problem along with the hip and ankles ~ are they because of the ME and FM or am I just unlucky and it’s one of those things?

I’m grouchy and more than a little pissed off at my failed experiment as I had really thought I could do it and keep it up. Post exertional malaise is thoroughly kicking my butt and laughing at me ~ I want to kick it back but it won’t let me!

I am reluctantly resigned to flying from my spot on the sofa, legs up on the footstool and audible playing to keep me company. Warm dogs bodies on my legs and my little laptop on my lap. Thankful for the dictation and read back tools along with spell check allows for me to blog and “read” others.

Pyjama days you have captured me ~ I will use my crutches and behave myself for as long as I can but I make no promises. Lessons learned can easily be forgotten when that stubborn and impatient nature kicks back in and calls me along..

pj day
Sulkily modelling my lovely purple gifts from my girls, super soft pj’s, socks and eye mask (being worn as a hairband)

x~X~x

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